Fathers Resources International

John:

I agree with you - "Effort & Courage are not enough without Purpose & Direction." �President John F. Kennedy

You wanted feedback, so I felt I would take some time give you some from one old soldier to another...I have taken the liberty of posting your efforts to our blog at divorced-dad-daily.com which is the official blog of fathers Resources International.

The basic problem is one of the leadership principal. Activists are not ready to accept direction and leadership. All the many activists I've known over the years have proved themselves in terms of effort and courage. But they lack purpose and direction. They lack the leadership skills to govern themselves, yet they expect to govern others.

That is not how leadership works, It is based upon service before oneself, loyalty, duty, sacrifice. And above all respect.

Many cannot and will not accept that each of us who have tackled one area of expertise or another as compatriots. many speak ill of each other and are suspicious of others motives. I've suffered a lot of that myself, having built Fathers Resources International (FRI) to find Dads the resources, skills and support systems they need to be effective in Family Court.

We also have extremists amongst our numbers. Those who have been hurt so badly, or who were "wingnuts" to begin with. That is to be expected in any social/political issue.

Some of the "elder soldiers" simply like their soapbox. Others however area constant, and have made change possible. Just the fact that you have asked the question distinguishes you from those who talk the talk, but do not walk the walk.

I do believe in the final analysis that the changes we all seek are coming, sooner than most will expect. That's because our kids are now becoming adults. Usually the kids solve the problems left behind by the parents. That is the course of human history.

That does not happen though unless people stand up. You have stood up. FRI has stood up and so have the many others we know of out there.

We do not need a "Movement" nor do we need a "Leader". The only "Movement" we need are the countless multitudes, 50% + of the populace to get moving by standing up at the same time and saying no more. And making our politicians accountable.

This 50%+ of the populace need to tell the politicians every day:

1. I will not vote for you if you support the EVIL FAMILY LAW EMPIRE

2. I will actively campaign against you if you continue to support the EVIL FAMILY LAW EMPIRE

3. I will actively work, campaign, recruit and contribute financially to the candidates who will dismantle the EVIL FAMILY LAW EMPIRE.

And then we must do exactly that. It is that simple.

It is the marketing of that message which has been ineffective so far. However, FRI has made it our mission to change that. To get the 50+ % of the population of our respective countries mobilized.

2006 marks the beginning of FRI expanding its services to an e-commerce model that will be based upon self-directing your case as an educated consumer of legal services, so that when you hire help, you will be able to give informed instruction, based upon an educated perspective.

The first place to begin though is by accepting personal responsibility.

You make a good point when you write: "Sometimes I'd like to hear someone say, "and I wasn't perfect either,I made a few mistakes which may have contributed to this..."�I'd feel more sympathetic for those folks, more inclined to believe..."

Rarely do I here such introspection as eithe John from our clinets. It would be refreshing to hear: "We married each other. What does that say about me Danny?"

And you also make an excellent point when you write:

"... but what of the more subtle failures?�The confidence and Faith we lacked ourselves, that led to poor situations for our ourselves and consequently for our children.�The times we were so caught up in 'something else', that we failed to respond to those close to us?"

I can answer that one directly from life experiences. My parents marriage failed from the get-go; I was a latch-key kid in the 70"s; they never taught me how to form a relationship, let alone spot a good candidate to have one with...

Consequently the apple did not fall far from the tree. But I took responsibility for it, because I wanted to understand how it all came about in the first place - How did I become the next in line to have inter-generational divorce. What could I do to prevent it happening in my kids?

Which led to me forming FRI, doing about 30+ hours of free clinics every month as a law clerk helping fathers think these issues through.

I've had a lot of professional, financial and relationship success as a result from really wanting to know how I got myself into the jackpot in the first place and by helping others avoid or navigate it in their lives.

That's the natural consequence of really being helpful, over-delivering on service and generally being passionate about what we do. Also, doing it as an integrated part of my life, 17 hours a day helps too.

But there will always be those who think they are owed something. Who want a free ride, who expect others to wrongfully assume their responsibilities. And usually their cases are the most horrific and involve multiple lawsuits, many social workers, police etc etc etc.

Successful Divorced Dads know that this is the quickest way to failure. After all Winning = Peace in your Child's Family.

These people will not, and usually can not take personal responsibility. They've never been taught how, nor have they enough gumption to learn how. Blame is easier.

And people will always take the easy way out. Except those who have faith. Even if that faith is secular in nature, deriving from a sunny disposition and outlook.

I know you take great solace in your FAITH, as do I. It's been many years since I last wrote you - we've both been busy fighting the good fight, soldiering on in our way.

But I wanted to write you today to thank you for your constancy and your efforts which I have followed for years.

From one old soldier to another: You're a real leader John, willing to dig in and do what is necessary with the gifts you have been given from God. You don't whine, pick fights with other activists, speak ill of others.

You also recognize that all there is really, is the work itself. And that if you don't do it, likely nobody else will. Its a principle I'm intimately aware of and totally familiar with. After all I've been at my Dad activism activities since the mid 1980's.

Keep up those fantastic efforts of yours. Please feel free to post those efforts on our blog at divorced-dad-daily.com because they are inspirational to many of the ordinary fathers here in Canada. I am adding you to our BlogRoll and I look forward to more frequent exchanges as time permits.

You have my promise that I will continue to do my very best with the few talents I've been given too.

Godspeed John.

Danny Guspie

Executive Director

Fathers Resources International